Oh, boy. When Five sets out to do a job, he gets it done.
When The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Episode 7 picks up, Five travels to Wisconsin to fulfill his part of the deal he made with The Handler. Finally, we see why Five is such a celebrated assassin.
I mean, we’ve seen Five fight before, but nothing like this. There was so much carnage. It was a massacre!
The man did what needed to be done, but he doesn’t relish in bloodshed. When he returns to 1963, he tells The Handler he’s done with being a murderer.
Five: All this killing… I’m done with it.
Handler: What? Am I supposed to take that seriously?
Five: What I did today, I did for my family. I did it to save the world.
Handler: Please. Spare me your little assassin with a heart of gold routine, will you?
She very clearly does not take him seriously. Her response almost makes you think she plans on utilizing his skills again in the future. However, the deed is done.
For her part, The Handler actually stuck to her side of the deal. She still found a way to screw Five and his family anyway. A mere 90 minutes is all the time he has to gather his family and get back to the briefcase!
Those 90 minutes prove to be a challenge, though, as all of the siblings are scattered around the city.
It is not only a challenge to gather everyone, but it’s an even bigger challenge to convince each of them to go. The first hurdle is with Diego.
Diego, of course, wants to know what they should do about their dad and JFK. It was his need to say goodbye to Lila, though, that really set Five off.
Five: Lila doesn’t give a shit about you, Diego! She never did. She’s one of them. She’s a member of The Commission.
Diego: No way, not possible.
Five: She was just using you to get to me. You’re the Oswald of this story, my friend. The goddamned patsy.
Five snapped and finally told Diego Lila’s true identity and how she was only sent to spy. Seeing Diego’s feelings hurt again (and so soon) was heartbreaking. He likes Lila, maybe even loves her. To hear about her betrayal had to have been devastating.
Diego isn’t the only one with mixed feelings about leaving 1963.
Allison is hesitant when Luther comes to get her. She is terrified of losing everyone once again, and reasonably so. She lost her husband and daughter. Then she lost the rest of her family for about two years. Now she has to leave Raymond and maybe lose her siblings too?
Luther: Allison, we’re different than everyone else. We’re special. And good or bad, that means we don’t get to live normal lives. Here or anywhere.
Allison: It’s not fair.
Luther: I know. But we have to risk everything to save everything.
Her hesitance is understandable, but Luther had a point. Living a hero’s life isn’t always easy. They have to take risks for the greater good. Leaving this timeline is for the best.
Before leaving, she had to explain everything to Raymond, who is indeed the sweetest man and best husband. Allison knows it is a long shot, but asks him to come anyway.
Allison: I can rumor you. Take the pain away.
Ray: No. We’re not gonna do it like that. I don’t wanna forget you. I don’t wanna forget us. I would take my year with you over a lifetime with anybody else.
Raymond’s work with the movement is just too important, though, for him to disappear into the future. As much as he loved Allison, he wants to make a difference in his own time.
That really speaks to his character, because if you were to ask any other black person in the 60s, they would probably jump at the chance to get away from such a hard time. There are more opportunities in the future, yet Ray doesn’t want to let his people down.
While they were saying their goodbyes, though, the remaining Swedes show up at their home and attack Allison and Raymond. It’s not clear on whether they were still looking for Diego or if they were just following up on their previous hit on Allison. Either way, the Chestnuts were in trouble.
That is, until Allison used her power.
Once Allison was able to debilitate her attacker, she ran over to the one choking Raymond. Next thing you know, he’s killing his own brother.
I know The Swedes are the bad guys, but that was cold. After killing his own blood, he couldn’t even think about Allison or Raymond anymore, and just ran from the house in despair. He gets about 2% sympathy for his loss.
Back at the “prophet’s” mansion, Ben is pleading with Klaus to let him possess him so he could just talk to Jill for once. Klaus finally gives in, but with a few rules:
- No cutting of the hair.
- Touchy-touchy “down there” is maybe okay as long as he doesn’t look.
- Stay dairy-free.
He follows all the rules, and finally Ben gets to walk, talk, and feel things himself.
Ben finally gets to spend some alone time with Jill (who doesn’t know Klaus is possessed), only to find out Klaus has already been in a threesome with her and Keechie! It’s crazy how Ben didn’t know this, because all season, he seems to have been with Klaus during everything. How did he not know Klaus slept with the object of his affection?
It doesn’t seemed like it mattered to Ben too much, because he still wanted to spend all his time with her. It was a short time, though, because Diego came and ended the party.
Diego and Ben have a short-lived reunion while Ben says goodbye and Diego decides to go bury Elliott’s body before he leaves.
That turned out to not be such a good idea.
While Diego is digging, the treacherous Lila shows up with her fake apology. Sure, she didn’t tell him where she was from or what she was doing there, but everything else she told him was the truth!
Spare me.
Diego: Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation?
Lila: Uh-huh.
Diego: Then why would you do that to me?
She is crazy and evil, but she had something up her sleeve, too. After drugging Diego, she takes him back to The Commission and introduces him to The Handler as her boyfriend.
Boyfriend? I don’t think Diego consented to that. The Handler looks like she isn’t a happy camper, either.
Another unhappy camper is Carl.
He saw Vanya and Sissy together and he is not letting them go into the night quietly.
Carl: You gotta fight the disease before it spreads. Before it gets outta hand.
Vanya: Who I am, is not a disease.
Carl: Well, call it what you want, but it ain’t natural. And it ain’t happenin’ under my roof. Not with my wife.
Sir, first you call Vanya a disease and then you threaten Harlan? Your days are numbered!
This whole notion that Vanya is a disease spreading as if Sissy has no mind of her own is a joke. The whole reason Sissy turned to Vanya in the first place is because she was unhappy with sour-faced Carl. Honestly, she may have always been attracted to women to begin with, and just needed the right one to come along. Either way, Sissy is no victim.
Threatening Harlan was extremely low and proves he’s completely unfit to be either a husband or father. There’s a reason Harlan prefers Vanya’s company.
Vanya, of course, wants to protect Sissy and Harlan and bring them back with her to 2019, but Five is just not having it. They’ve screwed with the timeline enough, and it is time to set things right.
Vanya: You’re the reason we’re stuck here in the first place.
Five: If I did nothing, we would all be dead right now, thanks to you.
Vanya: They’re coming with me.
Five: Vanya, do not test me right now.
Vanya: That’s funny because I was just about to say the same thing.
The power struggle between Five and Vanya was absolutely enthralling. The 15ish seconds where they stare each other down, preparing to fight were so intense. A fight between Vanya and Five would be something to see. Although Vanya is arguably the most powerful of the siblings, Five is a strong second.
She eventually backs down and lies, saying she’ll just go say goodbye. Instead, she’s packed their bags and brings Harlan and Sissy with her.
Unfortunately, Sissy continues to prove herself to be a dimwitted housewife.
Vanya TOLD Sissy Carl threatened to send Harlan away. Sissy also knows Carl has a brother who is a state trooper. Yet, the fool decided to write a goodbye letter. Ma’am, you’re either fully committed to leaving or not.
Sure enough, Carl got home in time to see the note and have police stop them on the road. This did result in a big revelation for Sissy, as she witnessed Vanya’s powers for the first time.
All of this second-guessing and fighting resulted in only Five, Luther, and Klaus (thanks to Ben) making it to the briefcase in time. All of that for nothing. But did anyone truly think it would be that easy?
Over to you, Fanatics! What did you think about this episode?
Will they find another way back to 2019 or find a way to stay in 1963? Sound off in the comments and share your thoughts!
Berea Orange is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.