Running Wild is going real deep with Cara Delevingne.
E! News has your first look at the episode, which airs tonight, in which Delevingne and Bear Grylls head into the mountains of Sardinia for a terrifying adventure. She has to rappel down a waterfall and pull herself across a horizontal line 200 feet in the air, but the hardest part of it all might be the conversation she has with Grylls when they sit down by the fire.
Delevingne opens up about how hard it’s been to find her identity, especially after years of taking care of her mother, who suffered from bipolar disorder, depression, and heroin addiction, and being unsatisfied by the “ridiculous” life of a supermodel.
“I had no sense of who I was. I had no identity. All I had been was a mental illness, a child, a caretaker, or a supermodel, which just seemed so ridiculous to me,” Delevingne says in the sneak peek of the convo. “It was like my integrity, my morals, everything was rotting, like I just had nothing left, because I honestly was just selling myself. Because I wanted to belong, and I thought by people hiring me, that that was giving me a sense of who I was.”
She goes on to explain how she’s overcome this loneliness she was feeling, and even has a message for her 15 year old self.
“I would say communicate more, to be more open about what you’re going through,” she says. “‘Cause honestly, if you can have any confidence, to be confident in your own vulnerability is the best thing you can ever ask for.”
Watch the clip below.
Delevingne’s episode of Running Wild airs tonight at 10 p.m. on National Geographic Channel.